ryoung5367's blog

satan's toe jam

 abuse

Why my new kitten is satan’s toe jam.  I love cats and up until recently did not have one.  So when my mom asked me to take this little kitten that had wandered up to their house, I said sure.

It is a beautiful cat, grey with dark stripes and green eyes.  When I got him he was so small he could stand on one of your hands.

Then it began.  He started waking me up around 3am every night.  It wasn’t so much the waking me up but the how.  He would take a flying leap and land on my face.  So I started leaving the door closed to the bedroom which apparently angered the little fella because what I am about to tell you happened just yesterday morning.

I awoke in the middle of the night needing to go to the bathroom.  I did not turn on any lights but just made my way to the bathroom in the dark.  I am wearing nothing buy my boxer brief shorts.  This little darling kitten lay in wait just inside the bathroom door.  Just as I step inside he jumps and attaches himself to the inside of my right thigh. I am now doing the one leg hoppity  dance in the bathroom trying to dislodge the cat.  I trip and slam into my shower doors.  The cat goes flying and I am screaming curses at him.  I distinctly remember calling him a little dirty SOB. Now my shoulder is hurting from the fall and my thigh is burning from the cat scratches.  It takes me 3 hours to go back to sleep.

When I get up (late), I jump up and layout my clothes on the bed and rush to take my shower.  I find that my midnight fall has somehow jammed the sliding doors and I can’t get it to close.  Screw it, I just put down some towels and vow to fix it when I get home from work.  I am showering and like a grey streak of pain the dayum cat jumps into the shower and once again latches onto my thigh.  Well the hoppity dance went even worse in the shower and I managed to fall, banging my head against the wall.  I look at the cat with vengeance in my eyes.  I have never hurt an animal, but I truly don’t know what I would have done if I had gotten my hands on him.  Yet he (like some demon spawn) knew what was on my mind and streaked out of the bathroom. 

I finish up in the bathroom and go to put on my clothes.  I find that my furry friend has not been cowering in fear of me.  Oh No,  he made a bee line to my clothes I had laid out and with his wet paws from the shower had managed to ruin my shirt and pants.  I scream again.  I can not put down the long string of curses that I hurled as I ran from the bedroom looking for payback from Mr. Whiskers.  I chase the cat all around the house all the time screaming and cursing.  I am unable to catch him, sucker is fast.  Probably something he got from satan.  I chase him into the living room and he jumps up on an end table, and stops next to a lamp.  He looks at me, cocks his head that cute little way cats do and with intent (I would swear in court that it was intentional) he reaches up and grabs the lamp shade and hurls the lamp to the floor, shattering the lamp.  Now not only am I chasing him and screaming curses, but I am throwing anything I can get my hands on at him.

I am however going to be late for work so I dress and get ready to leave.  I always give him food in the morning, but I am thinking let the little SOB go hungry.  Like I said I never have hurt animals so I go ahead and go get his food which I keep on top of the fridge.  While I am reaching up to get the food,  the dayum cat pearl harbors me by jumping up and latching on to my back right between the shoulder blades.

I drop the food breaking the bag and the cat drops down jumps on the food before taking off and scatters the food everywhere.

He is pure evil.  I am going to have him fixed next week.  I would usually have felt bad, but now I just want to cut his nuts off.  I am thinking of an exorcism.